with Negative Feelings.
What is a positive double bind?
Brief history of double bind theory.
Double bind theory was formulated in the 1950s by, amongst others, Gregory Bateson, to create a theory about schizophrenia. It is about relationships and what happens when important basic relationships are chronically invalidated via paradoxical messages. The "double bind" theory of schizophrenia (Bateson et al 1956), maintained that the mother sent a mixed message to her child and that this message put the child in a "double bind," e.g., she was alternatingly warm and cold, meaning that he was damned if he responded to one part of the message and damned if he responded to the other (contradictory) part of the message.
This is not unlike the Jewish Mother syndrome. She buys her son two shirts. When he comes downstairs wearing one of the shirts, she says "Oh, you didn't like the other one." The only way out of a double bind message was a "meta-communication," that is, a comment about the communication, etc. That is, it must be more than: "No Mom, actually I liked the other one better, but I am saving it for Sunday." Meta-communication response would be, "Mom, are you trying to make me feel guilty as I go out to have a good time with my new girl friend, tonight?"
The national center for research into family systems, double bind and communication theory became the Mental Research Institute of Palo Alto, California, where Paschal undertook training with Dr. Watzlawick in the 1980s, studying double bind, that is a double message in which part of the message, the command aspect, was hidden.
The original meaning of the phrase "double bind" was that the statement contained contradictions, so that the outcome of persons subjected to them repeatedly was pathological. Commonly today it is assumed that "double bind" means that the person is somehow trapped in a "damned if I do and damned if I don't" dilemma. The brilliant novel by Joseph Heller brought the phrase "Catch 22" into our everyday lexicon. Negative double bind messages can be commonly found among marital partners, teachers, mentors, coaches, parents, etc. "Grow up, please, (but you better do it in ways that please me, not yourself.)
Further work in Strategic Family Systems therapy, based on work of Erickson, Weakland, Jackson, Watzlawick, and others, attempted to intervene decisively in the system via many shrewd positive double binds: e.g. Do you want to go into a trance now or when your arm comes up? Nevertheless, both in the original meaning of double bind and the current common use, the meaning is usually negative, meaning that it is a trap with negative consequences.
Other influences.
When studying persuasion techniques in selling and the masterful work of Robert Cialdini, Influence and Persuasion, the human tendency of "reactance" is observed. This means that when some behavior is predicted, the individual is likely to take the other choice in order to prove the predictor wrong. My wife once bought a Grand Prix "because" her uncle, a car salesman, said to her, "Honey, that's too much car for you." Reactance means that there is an "I will show YOU" quality to the response. Eric Berne created the book Games People Play and TA theory after he was flunked in his psychiatric boards and refused endorsement as a psychoanalyst.
Double Bind is essentially a paradoxical interpersonal communication, similar to reverse psychology. A child turns up his nose at some food and the parent says acceptingly, "Good! That is really adult food, and there may be more for us." Then the child understands that its refusal has no reward and maybe to the benefit of the adult. Furthermore, competition for an object occurs, the object becomes more desirable. So the child reaches for the food now suddenly more desirable. The paradox is that a one-up is offered to the receiver by which they can defeat the stated opinion of the sender, which does in fact accomplish the subtle or real intent of the sender.
Positive Double Bind, the Win-Win Finesse.
Positive Double Bind, as developed here, is the use of the prediction of a possible negative reaction, in the context of valuing the relationship, thereby inviting the responder to prove the predictor wrong by receiving feedback that otherwise might be reason for some upset, particularly if there was no preparation.
When delivered as described in the book, Win Win Finesse, the situation is so primed that a negative response is almost impossible. There are a few types of people this does not work, or work well with, as well as certain situations to be avoided. Nothing always works with human beings. Limitations are discussed. Additional finesse refined over years of teaching this method serve to make it even more effective. It is a caring confrontation that is most difficult to refuse.
Dr. Paschal Baute has been applying psychology to the workplace, consulting and training for 30 years in every type of organization. Assessment, coaching and conflict resolution have been main areas of focus. What he found was that every work setting was stymied by the inability to deal with negative feelings at every management level. More than procedures, rules, manuals or workshops is still needed. He created and developed the Win-Win Finesse method over twenty years. The method has received an enthusiastic response everywhere he taught this method.
After ongoing experience and study, feedback and refinement, the method is now ready to be taught to a wider audience, via Win-Win Finesse. In action, it is deceptively simple, yet extraordinarily subtle. The book describes also when it will not work and what will keep it from working.
The subtitle of the book is "Learning an artful way to deal positively with negative feelings thereby securing better work relationships, building stronger teams and more effective companies"